Schemas or Lifetraps:

“Schemas are deeply entrenched beliefs about ourselves and
the world, learned early in life. These schemas are central to our
sense of self.”1 They are lifelong patterns or themes; they
are self-destructive; they struggle for survival.

The Eleven Lifetraps:3

A. Basic Safety
1. Abandonment
2. Mistrust & Abuse
B. Connection to Others
3. Emotional Deprivation
4. Social Exclusion
C. Autonomy
5. Dependence
6. Vulnerability
D. Self-Esteem
7. Defectiveness
8. Failure
E. Self-Expression
9. Subjugation
10 Unrelenting Standards
F. Realistic Limits
11. Entitlement

A word about reading material which draws from another
faith expression. You may have had the benefit of reading
works by those from a faith different than Christianity. Perhaps
you’ve taken a course in world religions or simply drawn upon
insights from others who find their faith resides in a different
tradition than your own. For you, reading Bennett-Goleman’s
book will be thoroughly stimulating and insightful.

On the other hand, you may not be familiar with some of the
core beliefs of the Buddhist tradition and it may, at first, feel
disconcerting to occasionally see God referred to as Buddha. If
so, try substituting “God” for Buddha and you may find it
helpful.

Encapsulated Summary of the Book
Read the third paragraph (from the top) on page 320, then look
across to page 321 and read the last three paragraphs. This is
what the book teaches.


The Schemas List
It is helpful to have a list of the identified schemas that are
described throughout the book. There are two areas of thinking,
feeling and acting patterns with which we often find ourselves
struggling: Personal and Social. Pages where they are described
or used as an example appear after them, along with the pseudo-
names of individuals whose experiences typify the pattern.

Personal
Abandonment

Emotional
Deprivation

Subjugation

Mistrust
Unlovability

Social
Exclusion
Vulnerability
Failure
Perfectionism

Entitlement
Depression



The Effects of the Schemas (what is downstream of the
negative patterns)
This helps in identifying which scheme may be controlling our
thoughts, feelings and/or actions
Personal
Avoiding other people or activities;
Abandonment
fear; mistrust OR clinging to avoid
being alone
Becoming a caretaker rather than
Emotional
voicing your own needs OR anger
Deprivation
and/or Hopelessness, sadness
Giving in to avoid conflict, which
Subjugation
yields to anger and resentment
Quick rage, anger
Mistrust
Shame, humiliation, hiding OR
Unlovability
seeking public praise; hopelessness,
sadness
Social
Avoiding other people or activities;

fear
Loss of control, worrying too much,

extra thrifty, denial of pleasure for
self, phobias, repetitive behavior,
obsessive compulsive behavior; panic
attacks
Disciplined work but taking on too
much, everything must be done with
the same degree of excellence
Self doubt, anxious sadness,

disciplined work but taking on too
much, everything must be done with
the same degree of excellence
Shame; was spoiled in childhood OR

experienced a conditional love OR
was deprived; tendency to overstep
your or other’s boundaries

The Four Noble Truths

1. Recognizing human suffering (and seek to empathize
with your and other’s schemas)

2. The cause of suffering is desire (notice that in the
schemas)

3. Free yourself by challenging your desires (confront your
schemas)

4. Take the path to freedom (by investigating and
confronting our schemas, below)

Steps in Investigating Our Schemas:

1. What is happening (Is there anything maladaptive?
What was the trigger? (see p.205)

2. What are your feelings (see p.192)

3. What are your thoughts (See p.193)

4. What is your impulse to act (See p.202)

5. Is there a connection with a story in your past?

6. Resolve to change or transform your schema (by
leaving your old self behind (See p. 184-185)